Kali - Motherhood

My Name is Kali Craig. I grew up in Meridian Idaho. My family moved around the treasure valley but Meridian is where I spent the most time. Right now I have two little boys, I got married a little over nine years ago, our boys are four and two and a lot of fun! We have one dog, and two cats that are crazy! We got the cats so each of the boys would have an animal, and they love them! I met my husband at a singles activity, a rafting trip. I sort of pursued him a little bit. I wanted about five kids, and he wanted three.. so we will see what happens.

As long as I can remember, since I was a little girl, I was always about being home with my kids. Before we got married my husband and I talked about the things we wanted out of life, our goals. I had expressed to him that 1) I wanted nothing to do with the finances, tell me when to spend when not to spend and I will listen, and 2) When the time came I didn’t care whether I had a car or what the struggles would be, I wanted to be home with our kids. Despite that goal that I had, staying home with our children is not something that I have been able to do.

My husband and I got married pretty young, at age 19. I started working so I could put him through collage. I did not spend a lot of time investing in my own education because I just expected that when the time came I would be home with my kids. Over time though, due to medical circumstances, schooling didn’t work out the way we thought it would for my husband. There were a lot of struggles and due to the set backs I became more the career woman, due to the experience I had gained. The roles seemed to switch I guess you might say, but it was what needed to happen.

 

For me, my goals have never changed and I get a little emotional over that, especially on Mondays. 

Monday is the hardest day of the week for me. I get in my car and sometimes I cry. Every day to work I say a prayer that I will be able to get through my day. I take pictures of my kids and video clips of the boys to watch on my breaks to have a piece of them with me.

I am a supervisor at work, and often times once you walk in the doors it is as though you are not longer a family person but a professional. I am blessed to work for a company that encourages us to take care of our personal life and spiritual well being, but it is still difficult. 

 Despite how hard it is to not be there with my kids, I do feel my Heavenly Fathers love and support through my personal struggle. I know my Father in Heaven has a love for my desire to be at home with my kids to raise them. I don’t know why things are the way they are but I do feel his peace and his love for me and my kids.

All the women in my family get to stay home with their kids. It is hard to watch them all make plans to go and do things, knowing they are the ones making these memories with my kids. I am grateful they include them, but it is hard to put on a smile and say “yeah, go have fun” when I am dying inside. It is hard knowing they get to make the memories, they get to see the smiles, and I am the tired mom all the time. 

 I get so exhausted from work, but I still strive to be happy, to take care of my family, to cook for them and be there. I receive inspiration from Heavenly Father on how I can better take care of my kids, and how I can improve my relationship with them. I feel inspiration on how I can make an impact on them, on how they learn and how to help them grow. I am grateful for the courage and strength I receive from my Heavenly Father, and for the inspiration. I feel close to him and know he knows what I am feeling. He knows my hearts desire, and that it is good.

If I could go back in time and give myself advice, I would tell myself to focus on a career that provided more flexibility. A career that wasn’t so demanding and I would have gotten the educational background to support me in such a career. I would pick something that allowed me freedom to be there for my kids. I would own my own business… maybe something in hair and beauty, or therapy based in mindful stress reduction. 

We will see what the future holds… maybe it is something I can still do.

I feel my Heavenly Fathers support. I know that even though working wasn’t part of my original plan, my Heavenly Father is mindful of me. He knows my heart, and that I want to be a good mom. It isn’t easy leaving my kids when I had such a different idea in mind, but I am grateful for the time I do get with my boys.